


I know

by Nival_Vixen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Complete, Derek Has Feelings, Derek Takes Care Of Stiles, Derek understands Stiles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Stiles Stilinski's Name is Zbigniew, Stiles-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nival_Vixen/pseuds/Nival_Vixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has lost himself, he's drowning, and he doesn't know if he'll make it back up to the surface</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the quote "I didn't like my name until you said it"

At six years old, three days after his mother's death, Zbigniew decides that he hates his name. No one can pronounce it properly, not even his own father without thinking about the syllables, and he refuses to answer by it anymore. He tells his father to call him Stiles, and while John looks a little confused, he just agrees with a nod and red eyes. By the time he's ten, everyone knows him as Stiles, and Zbigniew is forgotten.

Six years later, he decides to go into the forest with Scott to find half a dead body. That's the last time he feels as though he has a hold on things, any control over anything that's happening in his life, that is until he's told he has a spark, and he makes a line of mountain ash around a building. He can do something, create something, he has control again... For maybe three minutes.

It all goes to shit after that, really, with his father's job, the lacrosse game, Gerard beating the fuck out of him, Erica and Boyd, and through it all, Stiles feels like he's drowning. He doesn't know who he is anymore, doesn't know what he's meant to do, or how he can keep his friends - both new and old - alive. He's barely hanging on when the nogitsune takes over.

The nogitsune is a whole other crock of shit, like shitty icing on an even shittier cake, and Stiles doesn't speak for a whole week after Allison's death.  _He did this, he killed her, he doesn't save his friends, he **kills**  them_. Stiles is a killer, and even though he still doesn't know who he is anymore, he doesn't like who he's becoming.

He starts packing - knows all about the runaways that Beacon Hills has had and the things they do wrong, the things they don't leave with that has them being hauled back to town with their tails between their legs - and in his duffel goes his phone, passport, as much money as he has in his money box (he'll withdraw money from his bank account at the next town, but head in the opposite direction if he doesn't want to be found), an old pot and canned food he can cook in a shitty motel or on the top of Roscoe's hood if he's desperate (he loves his Jeep, but Stiles will be one of the first to admit she can overheat like a motherfucker).

He's got the bag on the counter, trying to decide whether he can stomach the Pop Tarts while on the road, and what to do with the bacon and cheese so his dad won't have a fucking heart attack on top of everything else, and of course, that's when Derek decides to walk in. Scott's off on a date with Kira; Malia's finally decided that she likes Liam and they're hanging out with Mason; it didn't take long for Lydia to get Parrish to go out with her, and that means Stiles is left on his own,  _again_.

Stiles turns around when he hears Derek make a small noise in the back of his throat, face pale and eyes wide, the both of them, and they stare at each other. It's not like it was two years before with a terrified heart pounding and an angry scowl, or even a year before with a curious and lustful gaze and confused eyebrow raised. This look is surprise and longing and loss, emotions bared on both their sleeves, and this time, Stiles isn't the first to look away.

Stiles scowls slightly when he sees that Derek has his passport in hand, stalks forward to grab it from his grasp, but Derek holds it away, and something in his distraught expression stops Stiles from fighting over it like he usually would. Derek's face softens when he reads the printed words and sees the younger photo of Stiles, still with a buzzcut, then turns to look at Stiles who looks so much older than his nineteen years, worry lines already showing, dark bags under his eyes, face pale and tired, and shoulders drooped in defeat.

( _He's not running away_ , Derek realises,  _he's **giving in**_.)

"It's nice to meet you, Zbigniew," Derek murmurs, and somehow, that seems to be a catalyst for Stiles.

His expression wavers for a full second before it collapses completely, and Stiles along with it. He doesn't even realise he's sobbing against Derek's chest until he feels Derek's arm wrap around his body, holding him close. They stay that way for minutes, maybe even hours, Stiles doesn't know. He sniffles a bit, tries not to wince at the wet patch he's left behind on Derek's shirt, then looks up to Derek.

"It's pronounced  _Zbeeg-nyef_ ," he mutters, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve and hiding his smile when Derek laughs in surprise.

Stiles still doesn't know who he is, the world doesn't magically slot into place all of a sudden, but he doesn't feel like he's drowning anymore. He's got someone holding him up, pushing him up to the surface. Stiles doesn't know if this will be enough, but he hopes it will be, and unpacks his bag again. (His dad doesn't ask why they're eating tinned soup and Pop Tarts for dinner, or why Derek's there, but he does give Stiles a few odd and meaningful looks over the course of the night that Stiles very pointedly avoids.)

Years later, after they've fought and lived and angered and loved each other to the point where they can't imagine their lives without the other in it, Stiles and Derek will be lying on the couch watching the rain more than the movie on the TV, and Stiles will be soft and quiet after years of need for peace and lots of practice at sitting still, when he admits "I didn't like my name until you said it". Derek will be silent for a moment, almost a moment too long, and Stiles will think he's fallen asleep behind him, but then he feels Derek move against his body, tightening his hold around his waist, his nose burying in against his neck, and Derek says "I know", which only makes Stiles love him all that more.

...

The end.

Thanks for reading!


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